Scottish Jokes
Every one loves a laugh and even more so at another person`s expense, Scottish jokes, Irish gags along with the Welsh type of humour will always get laughs from a stand up comedienne telling jokes of this nature. Hilarious and side splitting gags will surely guarantee laughs if put across right and even funnier if actions are mimicked though out the jokes being told. Scottish jokes are just as popular as the Paddy and Mick gags. Below you will find a couple of humorous Scottish jokes to be going on with.
1
A Scotsman and Englishman are driving head on - in the dark hours of the night on a bendy country road.
Both the Scotsman and English man are driving at high speed and crash into each other. To their shock they both escape unscathed, even though both cars are a write off.
Lucky to be alive, the two agree to put aside their differences from that moment on.
At this point, the Scotsman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of sherry. He celebrates with a swig and then hands the bottle of sherry to the Englishman, whom exclaims,'' may the Scots and the English live together forever, in peace'' The Englishman then puts the bottle to his mouth and swallows half of the sherry content.
Still in a state of shock the Englishman hands the bottle to the Scotsman, whom replies: '' no thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here."
Scottish jokes and humour gets funnier as you read on.
2
Wee Jock was in the garden filling in a hole when his English neighbour looked over the hedge. Interested in what wee jock - was up to, he politely asked – as you do, 'What are you doing there, Jock?'
He replied 'My goldfish died,' without glancing up, 'and I've just buried him.'
The English neighbour was worried and said ‘that’s a mighty big hole you are digging for a pet goldfish.'
Wee Jock now giving eye contact to the neighbour as he patted down the last heap of earth - replied, 'That's because it`s inside your bloody cat.
Feel free to use these funny jokes and gags.
3
Mac and Jock were out on the moors shooting pheasant when Mac stumbled and toppled to the ground hitting his head.
Of course this frightened Jock because - as he bent down and lifted Mac’s eye-lids his eyes began to roll. In a panic, Jock took out his mobile and called the emergency services.” My friend is dead he screamed down the phone to the operator, what shall I do?"
In a soothing voice the operator, asked Jock to calm down and let’s first make sure he's dead." There was a moment of silence and the operator heard a shot. Then picking up his mobile Jock said "OK, now what?"
More information can be found on this site relating to Scottish jokes - and other forms of entertainment ideas for parties. Clowns and stand up comediennes are popular entertainers for kiddies birthday parties and stag nights. |
Have a website? Learn how to make money with LinkShare UK.
How many Scottish does it take
to screw in a lightbulb? Do they have
a high school diploma? Bad joke,
I know. If you're in need of a gag
school diploma or college diploma,
we have what you need!
| 