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Scottish Jokes
Every one loves a laugh and even
more so at another person`s expense, Scottish
jokes, Irish gags along with the Welsh type of
humour will always get laughs from a stand up
comedienne telling jokes of this nature. Hilarious
and side splitting gags will surely guarantee
laughs if put across right and even funnier if
actions are mimicked though out the jokes being
told. Scottish jokes are just as popular as
the Paddy and Mick gags. Below you will find a
couple of humorous Scottish jokes to be going on
with.
A Scotsman
and Englishman are driving head on - in the dark
hours of the night on a bendy country
road.
Both the Scotsman and
English man are driving at high speed and crash
into each other. To their shock they both escape
unscathed, even though both cars are a write
off.
Lucky to be alive, the
two agree to put aside their differences from that
moment on.
At this point, the
Scotsman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old
bottle of sherry. He celebrates with a swig and
then hands the bottle of sherry to the Englishman,
whom exclaims,'' may the Scots and the English live
together forever, in peace'' The Englishman then
puts the bottle to his mouth and swallows half of
the sherry content.
Still in a state of
shock the Englishman hands the bottle to the
Scotsman, whom replies: '' no thanks, I'll just
wait till the Police get here."
Scottish jokes and
humour gets funnier as you read on.
2
Wee
Jock was in the garden filling in a hole when his
English neighbour looked over the hedge. Interested
in what wee jock - was up to, he politely asked –
as you do, 'What are you doing there,
Jock?'
He replied 'My
goldfish died,' without glancing up, 'and I've just
buried him.'
The English neighbour
was worried and said ‘that’s a mighty big hole you
are digging for a pet goldfish.'
Wee Jock now giving
eye contact to the neighbour as he patted down the
last heap of earth - replied, 'That's because it`s
inside your bloody cat.
Feel free to use these
funny jokes and gags.
3
Mac
and Jock were out on the moors shooting
pheasant when Mac stumbled and toppled to the
ground hitting his head.
Of course this
frightened Jock because - as he bent down and
lifted Mac’s eye-lids his eyes began to roll. In a
panic, Jock took out his mobile and called the
emergency services.” My friend is dead he screamed
down the phone to the operator, what shall I
do?"
In a soothing voice
the operator, asked Jock to calm down and let’s
first make sure he's dead." There was a moment of
silence and the operator heard a shot. Then picking
up his mobile Jock said "OK, now
what?"
More information can
be found on this site relating to Scottish jokes -
and other forms of entertainment ideas for parties.
Clowns and stand up comediennes are popular
entertainers for kiddies birthday parties and stag
nights. |
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